This is what I wrote.
I titled it: Saturday Night
I’ve really struggled with deciding whether or not I should write you. After discussions with several of my girlfriends who all feel I should write you, I am.
I want you to know that I’m not writing to cause more pain or give you more grief etc… but rather to let you know what is going on. As such, I’d rather stay anonymous (maybe that’s cowardly) and rather this stay between us. I’ve been in this situation before… confronting the other woman & it causes pain & again, not my goal. Actually, it’s rather to protect you a little bit if that can make any sense.
I was the female voice you heard on the phone the other nite.
While although, he may be honest about his feelings for you, he has been lying to several people over here. I question his means & everything about him and quite frankly, his mental health.
He informed me that you phoned him. That you were obsessed with him from dating 6 years ago & saying suicidal things & he was trying to make you feel better. He tried showing me his phone to point out that you were in London except that it showed he dialed out & I saw your name.
Meanwhile, he has also contended that his mother in addition to his father is very sick. That she has colon cancer. His father is recovering from cancer (very well actually) but I question the validity of his mother’s health as all the time he informed me, he was having family time, I have found that he was with other woman who also probably don’t know any of this. There are other things that indicate that she is in fact well. (one being she is out w/ his sister & her new baby, i would imagine one recovering from bowel surgery & going thru chemo need not travel). This lie actually sickened me as my own mother died of cancer. I don’t exactly know what he was trying to achieve w/ this charade.
There was something off about him when I was there. He was very agitated. It may have been that he was drinking. It may be because, in my opinion, there is something he is going through that none of us will understand. He played me the vanilla sky movie & said this is his life, got a bit emotional as was upset about other things (family, afghanistan) and he drinks.. a lot.
I’m writing this because on one hand I’m a little scorned as he finished kissing me & then proceeded to the washroom to phone you which in itself is odd behavior, but on the other, I am actually worried about him. I don’t know him very well, and am glad I found these things out early on but there are webs & webs of lies he is weaving. I don’t know if he can be helped. He isn’t just lying to women but to his friends & other people in his life. He doesn’t seem to want to take accountability & if i were to analyze, he is a very afraid, insecure person. I guess in part I’m writing this as I’m trying to wrap my head around all that has recently transpired.
Considering the level of seriousness he is trying to be with you, I thought you should know all facts. I wouldn’t want to be played to this level. You are probably a very lovely person and I would hate to see you be harmed. I don’t know why you two broke up or all the issues that surround you.
Please don’t mention to him that I sent this note as I’m not writing to get revenge but i kind of feel sorry for him.
I really hope I haven’t hurt you more then you needed to be and I hope that you 2 can find some level of understanding. He has some serious problems & he needs to figure himself out and I would proceed with caution in letting him back in your life.
If you have questions you can ask or you don’t have to respond to me as I will never contact you again. I don’t want to get into the middle of anything. Again, I just thought you should know.
I went to bed a little worried. I woke early the next morning and saw that she replied
Hello,
I really don’t want to be part of this back and forth. I know all about Patrick. I was his fiance. We broke up a couple of years ago and he has been trying to get back together since. He has been calling and emailing me, telling me how much he loves me. I don’t want anything to do with him and the lies.
Don’t believe Afghanistan, he didn’t go. Don’t believe about his mother, she’s not sick. I’ve gone through all of this before with the girl he cheated on me with for 2 years. She contacted me as well. And yes, he lies and lies and lies.
I want nothing to do with him, so don’t worry about me. I live in London and have moved on with my life. I would strongly advise you to move on as well. Either way, please don’t contact me again. I really don’t want to get in the middle of all of this again. This has been going on for five years and I’m trying to get away from it all. I’m sorry but I cannot answer any questions you have.
Best of luck.
I sent back: Sorry, I honestly thought I was helping. Take care.
and left it. Actually, What did I expect? was she going to thank me?
I looked at his email.
She forwarded me note to him & said : Look what your girlfriend sent me. Never talk to me again.
I freaked out. She sent him my note!!! He will know!! He will kill me!!! I thought about deleting it, I could. I had access but then he will keep talking & she will question and someone will figure out I was in there (and then I post on my blog i was in). I mark it as unread & close… a few minutes later look again. I will delete it… except.. It was read!!!!!! He read it!!!! He saw & wrote her back saying: I don’t have a girlfriend. I don’t know who this is from. Whoever wrote you is loony.
He tried to tell her over & over that he has no idea who would have emailed her as Saturday night he was at his buddie’s place who is married (f.. ANOTHER LIE). That he still loves her but will leave her alone.
He then texted me: Nice work in emailing my ex in london. Didn’t effect me at all. made her nuts though. Who does that? ur totally fd
I’m f’d? I AM?????????????? I am??????????
You lied to me that your mother has colon cancer & about going to afghanistan. You told me detailed stories of your experiences and I’m f’d. I genuinely am trying to protect her from a crazy person , you. and I’m fd?
So I reply: Stay away from me you twisted fuck.
Me again: I’m at my meeting and have no idea what you are talking about. (I have an early morning Thursday meeting I attend)
Him: Ok, well if it is not you, I apologize. But I’m getting weird emails. Whatever. I’ll just ignore it.
I actually laugh. Is he really THIS stupid? How can anyone be this dumb? I thought I’d lie to him because well, why wouldn’t I. At least I won’t be stabbed that day.
Saturday, I had received another email from her:
I’m not angry, I just don’t want anything to do with it. You have no idea how much horror he has caused in my life. Part of the reason I have moved to London. He will tell you I am crazy or a stalker or obsessed etc. He said this to the girl he cheated on me when while we were still engaged. I want nothing to do with him. It is 100% him calling me. I just want to be away and done with it all. Please trust me.
Do what you want, but it sounds like you have him figured out pretty early on. Good for you. Trust your instincts. They’re always correct. He has major issues but do not feel sorry for him. He has screwed me over personally and financially. He has said he has changed and yet he pulls this crap. This has been going on for years. . I just want to move on. I really just want it to be put behind me.
Good luck.
I am stupified… honestly. What did he ever say to me that was the truth. Finnigan pointed out that another friend thought of him like Leo Dicaprio in ‘Catch me if you Can’. I honestly thing that is the case. He is a sociopath. It is just weird. You watch movies & wonder how the characters could be so off or where the writers come up with stuff. Special K pointed out that this was like a movie and not in a good way and this gave her chills.
He is fd. There is no way around it. He will keep doing this til he dies and it is sad really. He alienates everyone in his world through lying and more then likely he would gain some respect and friends if he would just own up to his crap. However, this will catch up with him. One day he will screw with the wrong person and something really bad will happen.
After I began writing this, I noticed that the woman he was on a date with the night I met him still emails him as well, he went on a date with another girl last weekend. I’ve never seen someone so attention starved. It is just sad.
Sunny laughed that she feels bad for the next guy I date as he will tell me his mother is sick & will demand that he take me to her hospital bed. However, in all of this the oddest thing happened. I closed this door & my window blew open.