This isn’t anything new as I exude patience & understand in every facet of my life. However, as of late, due to my ever increasing work load & my lack of sleep, my patience is thinning & thinning & thinning. (Not to mention my dreams are getting weirder & weirder & weirder.)
This has nothing to do with anything but I’ve been a walking grump all day and as soon as a client phones and gives a little attitude or a little trouble, I want to tell them to jump up their own ass but then I wouldn’t make any money so instead I say things like “SURE!!! Noooo problem. I understand” and smile even if it is on the phone because one sounds less snotty if they are smiling. (Although, I think I perfected sounding even snottier & smiling. These are things you learn being a cheerleader in highschool.) Needless to say the resentment is somewhat building.
Anyways, in order to get through the day, I find that it helps to call other work at home people to break up the monotany and get some stimulating conversation going on .. you know, the kind where you CAN say: hey! jump up your own ass.
One such person is my friend Irish Heather (Heather for short.. I like it as it makes her sound all breathy & porn-like while she’s actually quite prudish & a financial person…lol.. she reads this blog so I’ll be getting a phone call). I phoned up Heather to bitch because bitching really is my specialty. If I could list it on my resume as one of my skills, I would list it higher then how fast I could type (btw, is that even a desirable trait anymore? Can’t everyone type?) However, to the extent and depth to which I complain even astounds me sometimes. If only I could spin it into a petty way Bruce can, I would give myself a gold medal (ahhhhh, yes, see what I did there? I dug deep. I think I CAN be petty).
So we had our mid day bitch session. We segued from crappy clients into men, naturally, and before you know it we’re hailing single women everywhere & our right not to settle! We’re tooting how fabulous we are and there is no reason to put up with emotionally stunted men! We’re not desperate nor are we worried about it! Unlike…….. our families… well, at least mine.
My marital status is something of great concern to my family specificall, my aunts & uncles on my mother’s side (my father’s side seems to be much more breezy. Course, there are a few divorces there) but my Mother’s side was aghast when I proclaimed a few years ago that I didn’t forsee myself getting married nor having children.
This isn’t entirely true as when I’m all gaga over someone, I have a much more positive outlook but I’ve always held the belief not to set myself up for some great expectation to just have it all crumble around me… In this case, it is not getting married or having babies.
Ok, I’m going to say it… brace yourself… I want babies. There, it’s out there. I even want to give birth to one. Don’t hate me because I’m ticking but my uterus thawed out & I’m stuck yearning for these crying pooping machines. However, this is not the point. The point is that I’m trying not to set myself up for disappointment if this does not happenand I made this declaration at a family function.
I was met with shock & horror as this terribly worried, most specifically, My Aunt Eugenia. She is worried. She doesn’t want me to be alone. She thinks I would be happier with someone in my life and someone to take care of me. That’s what her husband, my uncle Joe thinks.. You know, when I’m sick, someone to bring me soup.
I think this would all happen if I could meet an appropriate person and by appropriate, I mean someone I don’t have to additionally care for. I mean someone that adds to my life, not takes away. I mean someone that I would rather be by my side then not (I’m speaking generally not specifically against my recent relationship). I have yet to find someone that meets this criteria (ok, so there were some factors that were missing). So in order to deal with my ongoing disappointment, I’m trying to believe that MAYBE I won’t get married when I had hoped for. That MAYBE it will be too late to have children and that MAYBE things don’t happen when you always want them to because things happen as they should and will just as the word is… happen. I don’t have complete control over this … so I tell myself, I’m not getting married.
I think Auntie’s heart stopped a bit. I don’t know if because my mom has passed that she has taken it upon herself to worry for her but she’s doing it. I may have well said that I am a prostitute and am moving to Dubai. I broke her heart but I also really wanted them to stop saying “you’re next! When am I going to see an invitation in the mail? I just want to be invited to a wedding…..” Yea, it’s annoying. EVERY TIME. I’m also reminded I’m tall like I grow & recede between visits & it’s always a surprise what height I may be.
ANYWAYS.. after we shared our families’ disapointments with each other, I said, “screw it!” I don’t need children. I don’t need someone to take care of me in my old age. I am going to move into a complex with heather, probably Jammer & who ever else. Where we share a pool, a common room with a giant bar, pool tables, and huge flat screen tv. We will have parties, we will have fun & importantly we will have each other. Seeing as we are successful individuals, we don’t need children to take care of us. We will pay for help, and no one will be above the age of 30 (I do like them young) and will be hot. Why not?
Heather said she was on board for the idea and said, what does it matter when we get married. Our life spans are getting longer & longer that before long, it will be normal to live to 100 which made me pause because yea, our life spans are lasting longer but mother nature IS mother nature & until they develop a female viagra, I don’t see the point of living that long. Course no one wants to have sex with an old woman, but as I mentioned earlier… I am willing to pay for the help……….
OH COME ON! That was funny.