Well, I don’t know what you do on dates but me… I like to get eight balls & hookers…….
Um, no. Not quite.
Believe it or not, underneath this sarcastic bitter exterior is a squishy sentimental freak. I keep an extensive photo library, I revel in private moments and I cherish many momentos. So needless to say when an opportunity presents itself for that ‘perfect date’ I take it.
Just last night was the first night of the Celebration of Fire (no we don’t torch the city down although we should. It’s the fireworks display where 100 000 people come & camp outside my door… so awesome) So I left town. I grabbed a car & Bruce & hit the highway. I thought he’s taken me on enough tours of North Van that it was time for me to take him out to good ol’ T-Town.
I decided to keep what could have been a lame idea to myself & spice it up with the element of surprise. Luckily for me when he realized where we were heading he declared he liked long car rides & wanted to stick his head out the window like a dog. (It’s scary how alike we are. The only difference here is that I retardedly clap my hands when I say things like that).
After we sailed past the brick monstrocity, we cruised up to my old subdivision to check out my house. I was a little annoyed this truck was on my ass. I scooted along & parked out front of my old house when that very same truck came & pulled into the driveway. Granted it looked like we were casing the joint, so I introduced myself and informed him we were the original owners. He told me that all of the carpet has been ripped up & replaced with hardwood and that the wall between the family room and kitchen was ripped out (kind of a shame as the wall that faced the family room hosted a bar…. where would one put all the booze now????). I was tempted to ask him if we could look around but realized that is pushing it and we were on our way.
I stalked many places. My old elementary, my old highschool, my FIRST house (0-5 yrs old), Lisa’s, Age’s, Lisa’s parents, the border, where I used to smuggle stuff & then finally made our way down to Boundary Bay where we could stroll along the dyke.
The dyke there was one of my favourite places to go. It’s very off the beaten track, it’s runs right along the edge of the bay all the way to whiterock & hardly anyone is on there. Was the perfect place to go for runs. You just had to side step horse poop. (and you got to look at insane houses that were surrounded by moats…. anyways).
So needless to say, it was one of those perfect moments. We’re walking along the water, the sun was starting to set, it was only a little chilly & Bruce tried to put his arm around my shoulders except that we’re the exact same height. So for him to do so, I either have to walk all gibbled up or I need to scrouch down.
So I do.
I say, “see, you need to be taller or I need to be HUNCHED over”
He says “uh-huh… Hi everyone, this is my hunchback gf, Leanne”
So what do I say? (whatever, you have no idea because I didn’t know I was about to say the following either)
“yea, but I bed she’d be good a blow jobs”
and just realized as I typed this you’re probably horrified.. I MEAN BECAUSE SHE’S BENT OVER ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!! get your minds out of the gutter. I don’t do much with this face except drink…. wine. Glug Glug.
In fact, I wrote this under the influence of several things… mostly poor taste.
I’ll go now.