SUBSCRIBE!

Follow Nuthin’

I'm lethal with a lemon...

Unfortunately, I can now say I’m a puker. That the streak is over. It isn’t like I’ve never been sick before but I REALLY have to over do it in completly irrational way for me to get sick. (yes, i’m talking about drinking). What else would a mid 30ish woman be referring to? After all, I’m the beacon of maturity & smart decisions.

On Friday it was my birthday (Happy Birthday Animal), and I had a party at Shebeen which is a whisky tasting room at the Irish Heather. Was a fun little party & turn out. However, not much in the way of variety of drinks. No Jager, no tequila (thank god), no vodka. Beer & whisky… (wine yes) but it was go time.

k-dog bought me a JD shooter w/ a coke back earlier in the evening. Little gross but however, the coke was there to chase away any ewiness. The thing is I like scotch. I even like Jack Daniels but I sip it. These are sipping drinks. You get some ice or water, let it dilute and you sip. So needless to say when KLZ bought me a shooter, it didn’t go over well.

KLZ turned me on to banana jags (insert song here). She usually has great taste so when KLZ bought me a shooter, I drank said shooter. However, rather then enjoy it or even go to the normal extreme where I have a conversation with myself. I beelined it straight for the patio & threw up.

At this point, I wasn’t thinking anymore, I just walked back into the room. I saw KLZ, I looked down at the table and there was a lemon so I picked it up & beaned it at her head. (this is what normal people do)

Both of us were stunned. She looked at me & asked: Did you just throw a lemon at me?

(I still don’t know why there was a lemon sitting on the table)

I said yes. She shrugged & said ‘ok, I deserved that’.

The next day she asked me again, why I threw a lemon at her head. I pointed out that she made me throw up… her head was incidental. Sometimes, icing falls easily onto the cake.

I agree, I should grow up at some point in my life, but then what fun would that be?

Leanne Doesn't Share Food....

I’ve had that title before but it seems that there needs to be a small reminder to those out there regarding some of the things I draw the line at. One of which is that I don’t share food. What I mean about this is, if I order a plate or a side of fries with my meal, that doesn’t give you allowance to dip your dirty hand into my food & pick away at them. My eyes are rarely bigger then my stomach. (however, if we order to share, obvsiously, I can do that without taking out your hand. In hindsight, my ass may be a fair size smaller if I would just share a little more. But I want what I want dang it!)

It also needs to be stated. Never wake me up and by that I mean NEVER wake me up.

If you want to see a nuclear hissy fit of epic proportions, you let me fall asleep slightly only to jar me awake. It is a fact. I will go apeshit.

Someone had the unfortunateness to experience the wrath of Leanimal on the flip side of a sudden wake up. I met a guy on POF. He seemed normal. Seemed is the operative word as I hadn’t met him yet and as far as I’m concerned all bets are off until I meet someone. Case in point, boring dude who I met for coffee that didn’t understand that a conversation exists when both you & he ask questions back & forth or comment on things that are stated. He thought it best to answer & then stare at me.

However, the other one that seemed to be good on paper did have a red flag. We have taken to texting & chatting on the phone a couple of times. Saturday night, he had a couple of sangria’s and asked if I was a bad girl. I answered with um? He then said I should be spanked. So when I told him he was creepy, he informed me he was just goofing around.

Ok. you get 1. (I have truncated the text exchange for maximum sympathy for me).

So last night we had been texting a few times.   Sometimes there is immediate response and sometimes there is a pause. However, the night got on and i sent my last response at 11pm.

I went to bed and fell asleep rather easily so little to my dismay I was not happy when my phone went off at 1230 at night. It was my ‘naughty’ friend. Phoning because he claims that I sent him a text at 1209. I didn’t answer. I did respond at 1am when I still couldn’t get back to sleep to tell him to not phone me again.. and then at 120 and then at 145 and then at 2 and 225.

His contention is that if I hadn’t texted him at 1209 (but i didn’t), he wouldn’t have rang. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t just text back. I also apparently was offside & inappropriate. I think someone can’t take rejection.

Um, I don’t recall asking if you were a naughty boy. I will never get some people or their logic. So rather then say they screwed up, it is my fault because my reaction was to dump you. If you are a good guy… act like it.  I just have so often turned my head at the little red flags in the past making excuses for guys I date and what happens? I get bitten in the a$$. So rather then go down a bumpy avenue, I thought to cut it off now.

I do however,  see the irony of the fact that I was upset about a phone call that woke me and then continued to argue about it for the next 2 hours but in addition to being woken up, I don’t like being told I’m wrong. It is a foible, but the crazy comes out in large doses when sleep deprived. I’m stubborn and even more so when agitated…… that is what makes me cute. :)

side note. I did put icing on the cake this morning by correcting his grammer in his last text message. It’s a moot point. Not a mood point. The point doesn’t have feelings.

Yup…. that nail should seal the coffin

Other random pet peeves:

1: The sound of someone eating a banana. It is that smacking noise that comes from the pulpiness of the nana.

2: People who can’t pick up their feet when they walk. Especially those in flip flops that drag their feet or people who wear shoes that are too big and walk around like they are in Mommy’s shoes. You know who you are.

3: Watching or hearing people eat. Eating is a big thing for me and I can think of one friend’s husband that for some reason holds his breath when he eats and you hear this weird huffing noise coming from him as he chomps thru every bite. It’s gross & vowed to never sit next to him again

4: People that walk so close behind you when there is scads of room on the sidewalk……. go away.

5: People that talk to me on the elevator. I work at home. I’m not a people person. I just don’t care what you think of the weather.

6: Annoying laughs (ironic yes coming from me but i hate high pitched whiny giggles that emit from young girls usually on the bus)

7: Miley Cyrus. She talks out of her nose & is a moron

8: Children singing. This came about on friday as we watched the pne parade. They are always so earnest & well, I always feel compelled to want to push one of them as they hold their long falsetto.

meh

One of the things I hate are stupid human tricks.

First of all… how does one figure out how they can do that? Do they all have older brothers who get bored & pose the question “Hey! I wonder if you can do…..?”

I ask that because this is how I became certain I could put both feet behind my head. It was because of a rainy saturday morning & cartoons were on repeat. Granted 30 years later, I perhaps CAN’T put both my feet behind my head but just a few short years ago I could still do at least one foot while perched on a stool at the loose moose. (I can not reiterate enough how classy I am). I was just glad that no one then pushed me over like my brother did leaving me scrambling pathetically to un-pretzel myself.

While putting both feet behind your head may not be THAT spectacularly amazing, there are many other ‘stupid human tricks’ that people figure out they are capable of and the proceed to go on television to showcase it and not necessarily for prizes. Usually just to show it off. At least if you do this on letterman, you get some meat.

please stop

no one cares

no one cares at all. and everyone is embarrassed for you.

I only write this becuase my eyes were violated with someone’s ability to twist their lips around themselves.  I could change the  channel but I had no idea what to write about this morning.

—-

Non-sequitor. I just flipped over to my fb & at the top of my feed a guy friend writes: just ‘Goofed Off’ for an hour and a half. Man my hands are dry now!

I’m personally totally confused by this statement because if he was doing what I think he was doing, why would his hands be dry? Yea, I went there.. so did you. So stop judging.

Things I learned the hard way... continued

My day job (or what supports my drinking habit) is as being as a graphic designer. An art director if you will. I run my own business which at times makes me want to pull my hair out. Lately I’ve just wanted to not run a business but rather focus on making things pretty. This extends pretty much to everything except wedding invitations.

I hate them.

I hate brides.

I hate both of them a lot.

I just don’t care. I don’t care what colour your day is. I don’t care that the monogram is going to ‘brand’ your day… I don’t care where Grandpa Middleton is going to sit! I don’t care.

I just finished my very last set of them… e.v.e.r.

(famous last words).

I’ve also recently learned that if you are going to lay catch with Stine, you need to be on flat land as she doesn’t always throw directly at you. Sometimes she throws wide (like anyone… i tend to think you are shorter or taller then you are or your face is where your glove resides). However, if you liken yourself to a stretched gumby, you think you can catch it all and try to do so. What happens is that you will catch the ball but you also risk certain injury… like decapitating your foot.

Yea.. so as it sounds, that’s how it played out. Except, my foot is still attached (barely). It was a lovely evening out for C-hatch’s 3 month birthday (32.25 to be exact). Stine & I played catch. She threw wide. I jumped for it but when I came down, I landed on a dirt ridge/hole thing & went down for the count.

I saw my physio last friday. Seeing that he is a friend, he commented “Leanimal, this isn’t good… 3 of your 4 ligaments are torn (that would be the popping noise you heard Stine). Ligaments would be what connects bones to bones. I now have one working one. Super awesome. My apartment has never been smaller. However, the upside was he asked me how my morning stiffness was. I did everything I could to not say: um.. I’m a girl. Here, let me prove it.

Splatter Platter wondered why I played on a cliff. In hindsight, I wondered that too. I also wonder why I didn’t listen to that inner voice that kept saying: sit down.. have a beer. Stop throwing.. sit down… have a beer.

Yea..people say that drinking doesn’t solve your problems but in actuality for me, it prevents them.

Salut!

Since When Did How Much I Drink Become A Problem...

I must be insane based by definition alone as it is : Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.

I say this because I put myself back on Plenty of Rejects. I supposed I don’t expect a  different outcome. I do believe that the same weirdos will be on there but I do change my outlook on things. I would like to think that I am trying to be a little more open. Trying to be a little more “give him a chance”. I put up new pictures and updated my profile.

For the most part, I’m meeting nice guys =. One of which I told that I didn’t think we had much in commonto which he spazzed & said I haven’t met him yet yada yada yada… becuase yes, get mad at me. That makes me want you.

I finally took myself off last time after “Crazy Snake Guy” sent me a note & put me on his favourites. Let me tell you… he looked like crazy snake guy.

Irregardless, this time has been pretty… ok (it has been 2 weeks). Then I got a letter. Much to what I expect POF letters to sound like.

Hey,

Nice Tits.

You’re drinking in every photo… that’s a red flag.

OK>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> you can imagine how well I embraced this letter. Especially seeing  seeing as it came from a guy straight out of a trailer park in Surrey.

As well, I’m not drinking in all of the photos. I’m drinking in 2 of the 5 photos & actually only one of the photos am I actually holding a glass. One is an empty bottle but whatever.

Even if I was drinking in every photo, I don’t see why this is a problem.

First of all… If I’m drinking… I’m happy. Who doesn’t want to be around a happy girl?

Secondly, If I’m drunk, I’m probably easy. Who doesn’t want to be around a girl who puts out?

Lastly…. I’d be a sound sleeper. Clearly when I drink too much, I pass out hard. You can totally sneak out in the middle of the night after I’m done being easy.

Clearly this guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about.